From the age of 8-11 I was mute
I did not speak, I did not converse, I did not interrupt, and I certainly did not ask for what I needed.
I mean what could I have possibly needed at that age anyway, right? Wrong.
A child needs to be heard, but if they have been silenced in the name of keeping the peace, forced to keep secrets about the family dynamics, cut off, interrupted and silenced because I was "just a kid" or even worse given a barbie and asked to sit at the corner and shut up, this does something to your body, and that something is shut down. Kaput. Done.
It was at the age of 11 when I started secondary school that things noticeably shifted for me. I went from being mute to being the one who was often reprimanded for talking too much in class, a concern that was brought up at every parents' evening. I dreaded those evenings because my actions had consequences and not being a perfect pupil in school was a failure to the family... I was nothing but a disappointment.
How is the shift from being mute to being Little Miss Chatter Box possible you ask?
IT’S CALLED REBELLING
From a somatic perspective, rebellion is a complex interplay of internal needs and external pressures and the body's natural response is to navigate these dynamics by rebelling. I did not know what I was doing back when I was 8, but my body did. It always does, it always knows. While "the body keeps the score" as Dr. Bessel van Der Kolk coins in the tittle of his book, your voice does not.
And this happens through tapping into the velocity of your voice.
You see the silent treatment, dissociation, and saying what was expected to to say in order to keep the peace instead of telling the truth was the norm growing up. Like you, I am still tending to these shadows that are stored within my body and my vocal cords.
Every single day I choose…
to make major moves, yet I’m terrified
to be in my conviction, yet I’m terrified
to set bold boundaries, yet I’m terrified
to tell the truth, yet I’m terrified